![]() I’ve learned so much already! … Like how the vagina has three sections, where the g-spot is, all about vaginal reflexology and how the inside of me maps to health in my other organs. Two weeks into my vaginal training and I’m getting really excited about working with my sexual energy and my reproductive organs to reconnect with the feminine in me. Good luck to he who tries to be the one who decides when our first kiss will happen, who tries a display of strength without anticipating a fight back or who doesn’t perform for me again in the morning! I don’t take well to the man who doesn’t fill the needs of my Yang self. ![]() Having been exploring my own sexuality I’ve realized that, as with the rest of my life, my sexual self is a reflection of my overabundance of the masculine energy….that side of me that is hot, that wants immediate gratification, that is dominant and fast. It’s riddled with shame and judgement from self and others. This whole area of understanding and managing our own sexuality can be a quagmire of personal and socially constructed beliefs. However, that’s not the sex I’m having and until it is I need to somehow find a way to be sexually and spiritually self-sufficient. In truth i know that’s what i’ve been missing and it saddens me that it’s not in my life. I love sex, I really do….and when I can be present and experience that emotional/physical/spiritual connection, it takes me to a higher level of consciousness. I was sat in the sexual health clinic the other day getting another “between partners” check up to ensure the last victim hadn’t unexpectedly given me the romantic gift of chlamydia when I decided that enough was enough! What was I doing? Who is this reckless and dissociated girl? I have so much love and moral strength in me why am I letting myself and these poor men down when it comes to sex? I mean it’s fine, really, it normally does the job, but who wants “fine” sex when you can have EXTRAORDINARY LIFE-CHANGING sex? It’s not exactly the dream I’ve built it up to be in my head. I generally find myself getting anxious or irritated that I can’t come or he is lasting too long or not long enough or can’t keep it up or occasionally i suddenly stopped finding him attractive at all. I can use all the tricks in the book to get my potential target into the position I want him in (reverse cowgirl?) but when I get there, despite my best efforts the emotional connection is usually as flaccid as an empty condom and I lay there like a wet fish, not really present to the experience around me but instead all up in my head trying to think my way to an orgasm by closing my eyes and imagining a more erotic scene or that he is someone i previously loved or desperately holding my breathe whilst trying not to look like a tomato. I’m basically an undateable, frustrated, sexual predator. I then have sex with them often without using a condom to “bring us closer”, because somehow, in my drunken state, my coil and having been on a couple of dates feel like sufficient protection and I operate in the misbelief that skin on skin contact will be the catalyst for some sort of nuclear sexual explosion, and then promptly wake up blaming them for not being responsible for MY sexual health before reprioritizing my time to ensure that they don’t feature highly enough on the to do list to have an ongoing role in my life. When I say “dealing with” I mean spending normally 4–9 months being sexually frustrated and then a few weeks at a time plotting and drinking my way into bed with someone hot and vaguely entertaining in a desperate ploy to release my pent up sexual energy. I’m no stranger myself to the highs and lows of dealing with managing my sexuality as a single woman.
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